RANSVESTIA

women's clothes. We have felt embarrassment, humiliation, shame, and feelings of guilt. And most of all we felt very alone - no one else was like us! Those feelings and experiences can be described as "cold pricklies." Have you ever been chilled and had goose bumps on your body? That sensation is very similar to "cold pricklies."

When one experiences these feelings, often it is hard to ac- cept themselves. To illustrate: Our behavior is often controlled by the approval or disapproval we discern from others. And it is probably true that we receive approval from others or are seen as "good," to the extent we have a "typical masculine way." All of us have been faced with experiences where our behavior does not fit the typical masculine way. Thus we have found it hard to ac- cept our "feminine" behavior or ourselves because of the strong disapproval we have discerned and experienced from others.

When do we come to the point of accpeting ourselves? For many of us this is when we find out there are others who also have the desire to wear women's clothes. For many the experience of finding out that they aren't alone is a joyful and euphoriac experi- ence. I like to think of the experience of finding out one is not alone was a "warm fussy." Something that makes one feel secure, warm, cozy, loved and understood. After all those years of being alone and feeling guilty — isn't it wonderful to know there are others?

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To me this experience of finding out I wasn't the only one; marked the day when I accepted myself. I accepted the feminin- ity in me. I have taken this "warm fussy” feeling and covered over the many experiences that were "cold pricklies." No longer is there reason for me to feel I can't love. I don't have to feel guilty anymore. In other words, it's all right to be feminine!

In all honesty I feel sadness for those who told me it wasn't right to dress. Actually those who didn't understand me were afraid themselves. They were afraid of their own masculinity or

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